Every woman wants the perfect ass. (Some men want the perfect ass, too.)
We all want the perfect legs. And then--that just leads into wanting the perfect hair, and skin and nails and eyes and teeth and boobs. Everyone wants something that is perfect. It will never end and it's unfortunate that we go to these extremes solely to make ourselves the pseudo "beautiful". The beautiful that magazines and fashion lead us to believe. There's something to say about advertising. Trust me, I grew up in the industry. The fashion industry, to boot.
I solemnly swore I would never Botox. I won't facelift. Even though those smile lines around my mouth tattooed me on the stroke of midnight of my 30th birthday, I just don't feel like I would ever imagine facing a knife or syringe. So be it as my oath here and now, the beauty of Diane Keaton will always give me the power to realize that age is beauty. However, one thing I will never sport is a haircut that falls short of my shoulders. Sorry, Momma--I think you are one of the most beautiful women on this earth that possesses the most beautiful skin in the world, but I don't think I could pull off your haircut. Seriously, Mom, I think when our family transcended from Italy---somewhere along the lines the Greek touched you and Aphrodite personally templated you from a graft of her skin. THAT'S how beautiful your face is. And I'm not kidding. Your hands are beautiful, too. I thought it was so weird how many people complimented you on your hands growing up. You should have had that shit insured.
This all gets back to the ass. I got you interested from the headline, so I'll jump back into the jeans, here. Women get the sags, guys. We get the dimples. And, no matter how many THOUSANDS of squats, lunges, and dreaded dead-lifts we do (because trust me, I have done HUNDREDS A DAY)--there's a chance those cute, little clefts aren't going away. Unless we quit eating pasta entirely. But, I'm going to break here--I refuse to quit eating pasta and bread. A) Because it's in my Italian blood. B) Because it's cheap and easy C) Because who wants a boring date when you go to an Italian restaurant and order a salad. Get. Real. Quitting pasta and/or bread is out of the equation. I'll take it into moderation, but I WILL NEVER scuttle a carb completely.
So, within my almost 6' stature, I have always had a skinny, little waist (thank you, God for that) but a bubbly butt. I'll blame it on the pasta, whatever-- but I have never really been able to make my ass work for the positive. It has ALWAYS drawn negative attention. In fact, I remember CLEARLY--I was at the 3 Rivers Coal Festival one year and a guy in my class told me that the guys have voted that I have the "ass off the class". I don't take that as much of a compliment but I guess it could be worse.
Now, I have tried just about every brand of jeans your brain can filter. Without going the "Apple Bottom Jeans" route that are designed with women like me in mind, I just can't get past the bedazzle and the fact that the pockets are shaped like apples. (I'd rather not accentuate the goods, sorry.) But recently, I discovered a brand of jeans that slide on my legs, thighs, and butt as if golden-pink, sparkly angels sent from above were pulling them up for me.
Citizens of Humanity jeans.
Every woman with my little issue should own a pair. It could be that I'm 5' 10" tall and they are just right. It could be that they hug me in all of the right places. It could be that it's wishful thinking and I see what I want but I don't give a damn. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, makes me feel sexier in these jeans and a pair of wedge heels. They have redefined "bootylicious" to my personal taste.
Thanks CofH.
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